I Quit

I was thinking.. what type of life is it to live when you're stuck at a job you deliberately hate. I have been working with a company that sells phone lines for huge corporations. I sit in a cubicle and send nonstop emails. Everyday I wake up and dread having to go into work. It drains any motivation I have. So, today I decided that when I wake up in the morning and walk into work, I am going to quit my job. I seriously cannot fathom the hatred that this job builds inside me. I'm done.

Too a new city, a new state, a new beginning once more. I can't seem to find my content Ora in any place that I move to. Even now while residing in Tennessee I seem to, more or less, feel apathetic with my decisions. I feel as if I have a quest and in order to complete this game of life I need to seek out the fortunes of happiness determined that it exists within the big picture. From my experience, I am capable of finding happiness within the little things; that fresh cut grass smell, one glass of wine after a long day, the smiles of people close to me. Unfortunately, I am unable to find glee within the idea of life, so I am on a hunt. Starting with the simplicity of everything and searching for a place called home. Somewhere I could wake up and feel like I have no need to travel elsewhere because I am comfortable. That home where you can walk out onto your porch and receive a feeling of being purely alive. I'm soon realizing that Tennessee is definitely not that place that I had in mind.

Gates of Hell

My life at this moment is more than grand but that isn't stopping my mind from creating black holes. I've been meaning to write this down but I haven't figured out a way to word it exactly.
I, Brianna Marie Canter, am a emotional wreck. I have not come to a conclusion on whether I am the way I am because I am a female or if it's a factor of being a 'sociopath' or even if I have a slight personality disorder.
I hate children. Have I failed to mention this? Well, why not talk about it now? I see the looks upon the people who surround me when they think, talk, or associate themselves around kids. It's always happiness and I always ask why. Why do infants create this huge optimism for people. Children are the spawns of evil. They cry, wine, complain, yell, and everything negative. They cost you money that you shouldnt have to spend and YES I was a child once. My birth parents were dumb enough to have unprotected sex and create a spawn like me. I was probably better off unborn. If I could I would go back in time and slap the fuckin' shit out of my mother and proudly rip her overies out of her fuckin' whore of a body so she couldn't create the three evil heathens that she did. Oh, and that's another thing, most of the children that are created are done only because men and woman don't know how to use the proper tools within preventing an unwanted birth. Instead you just have a bunch of bastard babies running around in this damn place. You never hear, " My mother and father planned my birth because they were ready for a child." No, because it pretty much doesn't exist and for you to want and plan a birth, you have to be fuckin' stupid. If I had the right power and army I would create a successful mass genocide on children and wipe them off the face of this fucking planet. In my opinion, if anyone deserved to die, (which we all do) it would be kids first because they've barely had a chance to see life so they wont be missing out on much. All they know in their PEWNIE little brains is that flowers are pretty and Oooo that's shiney. They are worthless. We have enough beings on earth right now, it wouldnt hurt to get rid of some of this disease fluttering the crust of hell.


At Ease

The grass is greener
The stars shine brighter
The smiles grow bigger
The weight is lighter.


July 27th, 2013

I almost thought it would never happen but it seems I've been proven wrong and I couldn't be happier.



When I was young, death seemed impossible. Everyone around me was alive and well. There was not a thought that crossed my path to think they would ever leave this earth. When July 29th of 2010 came around that all turned around. David Preston Young had passed away and left my life. The most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with and since that day, everyone around me has been disappearing. You start out in a crowd and as time passes, you end up alone.
'If there is a God, he will have to beg for my forgiveness."


My heart feels low
and yet it's placed up high.
My feet are at the floor
while my head is in the sky.
Reasons unexplained
don't bother asking why.
Just realize at this moment
that everything's a lie.

Fresh as a Dead Fetus


My confusion still stands on why my mother chose to set foot there and yet I followed aimlessly for no actual reason a year after. I will not lie, it is a more than a pleasant area of choice but the people who reside here are quite the people in more of a negative way. Everyone here seems to have problems. Happiness doesn't exist here. In order to recieve the positive energy you are searching for, you have to 'escape' from reality and leave for 'vacation'. Yes, everyone likes to go off and just find a place to relax but to rely on something like that will cause your life to be misfortunate and you will experience the inability to be optimistic about the home you were supposed to create happiness within and yet every single being in the god forsaken city seems to be so upset with their lives. It's frustrating but it's something that wont be much of a bother seeming I will not fall into the slump of these people. I will smile on and find my happiness in the home that I live.


Fuckin' fuck

I am fuckin' sick and tired of people. There is one person in my life that I truly try and keep happy but every little thing I do upsets that person. I'm seriously about to just say "fuck it" and walk away from everything. It'll be better if I just leave all this bullshit behind me. I'm no fuckin' angel. I am not perfect and I don't understand why this person insists that my actions must be. I just don't understand.



The meaning of beautiful is something my brain just doesn't comprehend. I've never understood why people place a judgement on someone's appearance with the words beautiful, ugly, gorgeous, and so many more. Why would someone want to be called beautiful? It just lets you know that someone is judging you. I guess when someone calls you beautiful, thats one less person who thinks you're ugly.
I have forced my brain to cause itself to get grossed out whenever compliments come my way or when "lovey dovey" words come into play. I find it way easier to handle than always trying to pretty yourself up for the world. It also sucks though because when you don't recieve compiments, you start to believe that you're ugly. Life is so complicated.


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